Rules Women Should Follow (AKA the guide to a happy marriage

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Rules Women Should Follow (AKA the guide to a happy marriage

Postby nealmac » Wed Jan 18, 2012 12:38 pm

1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your ass to a gym.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put the bloody thing down.

3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes arguments when we comment on it.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present.......again!

5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

7. Anyone can buy condoms.

8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

9.Dogs are better than ANY cats.

10.Sunday = Football/Rugby/Any other sport. Let it be.

11. Shopping is not a sport.

12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

13. You have enough clothes.

14. You have too many shoes.

15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to respond to it.

16.Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.

17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

18. Dont throw ANYTHING in the bin without clearing it with us first.

19. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

20. Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

21.'Yes', 'No' and 'Mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.

22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

23.Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.

24.Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

25.Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.

26. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

27.Don't fake orgasms. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

28.Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

29. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading them.

30.The male models with the great bodies you see in magazines are all gay.

31.If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how pretty you are?

33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.

34. Learn to read a map.

35.Women wearing Wonderbras, low-cut blouses, tight tops, no jackets, chest level logo'd t- shirts etc. etc...., lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

36.When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.

37. If you want some dessert after a meal - have some. You don't have to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine.

38. Dieting doesn't work without exercise.

39.If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit-food as well. A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, cold beer and cold beer. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in good quantities - everything else falls under the category 'garnish.'
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
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Re: Rules Women Should Follow (AKA the guide to a happy marriage

Postby Conman » Wed Jan 18, 2012 12:45 pm

Brilliant, when i 'm brave enough i will forward to my wife for constructive comments. :D
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Re: Rules Women Should Follow (AKA the guide to a happy marriage

Postby nealmac » Wed Jan 18, 2012 2:35 pm

I've already done that. She hasn't replied yet though :?
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
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Re: Rules Women Should Follow (AKA the guide to a happy marriage

Postby Revit Zone » Wed Jan 18, 2012 10:14 pm

40. NEVER mention any of the above to your wife- or marriage will be the last thing you'll be worrying about! ;)
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Re: Rules Women Should Follow (AKA the guide to a happy marriage

Postby nealmac » Thu Jan 19, 2012 4:25 pm

I still can't figure out why there was no "40", but that's as good a rule as any.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
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Re: Rules Women Should Follow (AKA the guide to a happy marriage

Postby Revit Zone » Fri Jan 20, 2012 12:02 pm

nealmac wrote:I still can't figure out why there was no "40", but that's as good a rule as any.


I did cross my mind too, why it stopped at 39!

I think Marriage is just like having kids- no manual, make it up as you go along- and it'll still probably be wrong! :lol:

Cheers,
Ian
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